art

I ask God to help me learn to deny meaningless desires. The ones that involve "storing up treasures on earth where moths and rust destroy, and thieves break in and steal". I think denying yourself is an art. It's a long hard process that requires work, discipline, and sacrifice on our part. But even this isn't good enough. If we let him, the Artist does the molding, shaping, refining until the end product is so beautiful and expressive, and so out of the ordinary that people would die to know who that artist is.

Why lose yourself? Jesus exhausted his time, energy, resources on the worse of sinners, the demon possessed, the lepers, the lonely, the hungry, the grieving. I've come to realize that he wants us to continue in this mission and be his heart, his hands and his feet.. We lose ourselves for the sole purpose that others might find Him.

psalms 63

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
Because Your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
My soul clings to you;
Your right hand upholds me.

mystery

Mystery

I wanna get your words stuck in my head
I wanna touch your soul with mine

I wanna know that you hung the stars in the sky
So on lonely nights I would know your presence
I wanna feel the wind and know that you're near me
And see in the seasons your mystery
I wanna feel your love flow through my veins
Down in my heart

I want to know how this could be
Yet Your love remains a mystery

half-trust

Exodus 14: 10 "Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? 12 Didn't we say to you in Egypt, 'Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians'? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!"

Sounds familiar. How many signs and wonders does God have to work until we start learning to trust him? And what makes me think he owes any of these things to me anyway? I keep thinking about what Justin said, that many people claim to trust God but really, they're lying to themselves. We like to convince ourselves that we are trusting because it makes us feel like good Christians. The problem is that when God looks into our hearts, he's frustrated at our lack of faith in him. Can you say you trust God with your life if you're loosing sleep worrying about your needs? Can you say you've put your trust in Him if there's an area in your life you're still trying to find your own way out of?? It's like saying God I half-trust you.

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"Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

Help me to BE STILL and trust that even in the stillness, you are God!

Short cuts

" When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt." 18 So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle."


God, you are sovereign. I serve an ALL KNOWING, MIGHTY God. He knows all about my circumstances. He hears my cries and knows my anxious thoughts. This week, I'm guilty of being faithless AGAIN. (I HATE this about myself). While I'm arguing with God about how he's taking forever to answer my prayers, he's busy working out the details behind the scenes. I've felt like for the past 2 years, he's "lead me around the desert road". The longer road. God... I thank you because you knew the "short-cut" road would have lead me astray. You knew it would've been too much for me to handle and that I just wasn't prepared for the battles I'd find there. You knew I needed to be humbled, refined, renewed and strengthened. I thank you for knowing me so well and loving me enough to take me around the desert road. It's here that I've found you. I know you love me and this path was set by you, especially for me. We're in this together. Help me to be grateful for the pillar of fire and cloud you've provided to guide me along the way. Help me to never forget all these things. <3

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Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
bind them around your neck,
write them on the tablet of your heart.

Daniella my love <3

Monday nights are noisy! A bunch of random people show up at my house for no reason at all. Brian and and Gords head back to school so my mom usually cooks up a storm. The "sheets" go up and there's all kinds of pots/pans/dish noises coming from behind the kitchen sheets. While I try to unwind, my brother likes to ask for last minute favors.

Brian: Ats iron my shirts

Me: NO! (but then I end up doing it anyway!!)

Oh yea.. I almost forgot, weekly visits from Delaine and Daniella. I came home from the gym today and there were two little arms running towards me. I love hugs from <3DANIELLA. She's a feisty little one. After taking a million silly pics on my web cam together, we got into a little scuffle. She left my room crying because I told her that she needed to learn how to share. Five minutes later, this cute little face kept peeking through the crack in my bedroom door. I opened it and there she was, waiting for me to notice her. I smiled and hugged her.. she cried even more and hugged me back. Then just like that we were cool again. It's crazy how much we can learn from kids. I realize that I'm like her when it comes to God. I like to throw tantrums when God tells me I need to change something about myself. I'd rather run away then to hear him say that I'm doing something wrong. It doesn't take me long to start inching my way back to him of course. I'm so drawn to God. I can't help it. I'm addicted to the high of being in His presence. When he feels distant, I feel so lost and scared. And the thought of him being angry or disappointed in me makes me so sad. I want us to always be "cool".