So many things excite me about the future. I've always had the desire to travel the world, meet people coming from completely different walks of life , experience their culture, hear about their values, dreams, desires, fears, and have my eyes opened to their needs.. There's a whole world out there filled with people God created. People that He loves just as much as he loves me... it's doesn't make sense for them not to know this. I want to start praying for them more often. I know that my Father's heart breaks for these people. People who are lonely, starving,thirsty, sick, and cannot understand the concept of love because they've never experienced it. I want my heart to break for these people too.I don't want to just "feel sorry or sad for them". At the very least, I want to stop thinking about myself long enough to remember to lift them up in prayer. I want to get to the point where I'm so burdened for their causes that I want to set aside my own wants and needs... Just in case God decides to use a nobody like me to somehow meet theirs.
I'm most excited about being able the idea of medical missions.... If I could go to any country, I choose Uganda. I read about their child abduction issues in high school and since then, I've felt a special connection to this country. I hope to meet Max and Christon one day, our compassion children. <3 Is it possible to love people you've never met? MmHmm. After finishing nursing school, I wanted nothing more than to join a team of church planters excited to introduce Jesus to the forgotten people in the ends of the earth. I started feeling this way this way my first semester of school when all my patients were either homeless or sharing homes with ten other families. While we gave their shots, hung their ivs, gave them their bed baths, they were so relieved to be at the hospital. Most of them weren't even sick. They needed to get out of the cold. They needed food.. a bed to sleep on... warm sheets...someone to talk to them and show them that someone in their empty world cares for them!!! They had no home, no one to call family or friend. I remember feeling so grateful that I wasn't them, but so troubled because after they were discharged, I'd never see them again. How do you begin to introduce God, and love, and new life?? I wanted to tell them everything I knew. I wanted them to know that someone created them.. And that their creator is madly in love with them...And that he gives hope and new life to those that believe and choose to have a relationship with Christ.
One night, I got in trouble for giving my patient 50 cents. She was being discharged from the hospital and no one was there to pick her up. She was counting her change and didn't have enough money for the bus ride "home". I had 2 quarters in my pocket that I secretly handed to her. My professor saw me from the nurses station and wouldn't let me back in her room after. She said she wouldn't write me up this time because I was new. Honestly, I didn't care if she did. Call me stupid, but I didn't care if she "might've been manipulating me into giving her drug money" I didn't care what kind of drugs and alcohol she was planning on buying. I just wanted her to feel like someone cared about her... That someone thinks she's worth giving 2 quarters to. How could anyones heart not break for this woman?!! How can your passion for life and love and people not be stirred?!
I get a bittersweet feeling when I think about not being able to work as a nurse. I would love nothing more than to show people God's love in this way. To go to countries where hospitals don't have flat screen tv's and fluffy bed sheets. But I'm learning that there are lonely, empty, hurting people outside of hospitals, inside this country, and inside my circle of friends and family. And they need God just as much. I'm still excited about what the future with God holds. Excited that he might decide to use an ugly person like me to help build his kingdom. "No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him"
One thing I find myself being more and more excited about is sharing all these desires with someone who feels the same. A strong but humble man who loves Christ with all his heart and loses sleep when he's not right with God. I've always prayed for him.. That God keeps him safe from harm, and in the grip of his Grace. I think I've wanted to be a wife since I was ten. I admired the sacrifices my mom made for our family and I hope to be as selfless when I have my own. I want to be a good wife. I want my husband to always feel like he married a good woman. I read about the woman in Proverbs 31 often and I pray that God will mold me into a woman like her.
10 [ A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
I have a LONG way to go but I hope to be this strong woman one day. A woman who shares a deep, real relationship with her God, shows great love for her family, and strong convictions to help the poor, the sick, the lonely. I want to understand what it means to fear the Lord... To love him with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind.
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